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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
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Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
A hen is only an egg痴 way of making another egg.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
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It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
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Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
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The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:28
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